&!%!#^@*

I've had it!  I need to completely rant about my life right now.  There's a war going on in my head, big enough that knitting socks, a baby blanket and surprise present won't cure at the moment.  And just because I am the way I am, I'm ranting in a list:

1.  &#!!*^$@! Divorce!
Yay!  I'm going to be 28 years old in 34 days and divorced 21 days after that!  Whoo hoo!  I've got more excess baggage than all the Louis Vuitton logoed cases in the world!  I'm damaged goods!  Whee!  Isn't this fun? 

No.  It's not.  Because every time I turn around there's some damned reference to a fucking "starter marriage."  What the hell is that?  I know what the definition is but that supposed to make a person feel any better about getting divorced?  No!  It completely dehumanizes the whole thing.  "Oops!  We made a mistake, let's just sign a few papers and go our separate ways. he he!" 

In five years (which is apparently the line not to cross if you don't want your "starter marriage" to become "a lifetime of pain and misery"), two people can rack up debt, assets, dogs, ties to inlaws, etc.  Even if you were only married for 1 year and 9 months, these things happen anyway.  And it's not as easy as just signing a few papers to make the whole thing go away.  Especially when the other person CHEATED!  I don't see any mention of infidelity in the "starter marriage" qualifications.  Oh no wait... there it is...  under "Disqualifications... see below... If you meet any disqualification, do not pass Go, or collect your $200 dollars (even if you paid 1/2 the mortgage to earn back that $200), go directly to the "A lifetime of pain and misery" category... Follow the instructions for a divorce full of trickery and revenge."

What there should be is a "quickie" divorce in California.  And the rule is if you were married less than five years, have no children and can turn off your emotions with the flip of a switch, then the waiting period should only be 30 days, not 6 months + 1 day.  Less time to play tricks on one another.  Less chance of having the divorce pass January 1, thereby making taxes hell for two filing periods.  And women could get their maiden names back faster.

Speaking of names, I LOATHE my married name with a passion greater than Fabio ever had for one of his romance schmomance cover girls.  LOATHE it.  Can't wait to get rid of it.  People have actually asked me "Oh! (surprise and a furrowed brow) You're changing your name back??"  Yah, marriage lasted all of 1 year and 9 months.  Not exactly a lifetime of attachment there, huh?  LOATHE it.  Despite the hassle of going to the Social Security office and then DMV and then changing my name on every single one of my bills and credit/debit cards... I would do that whole process 10 times to get my maiden name back, I hate my married name that much.

2.  At least you've got your health
I think I pissed my body off at some point or another.  It doesn't matter that I take a pre-natal multi-vitamin (no I'm not pregnant, pre-natal's have a better combo of nutrients), a calcium, and fruit & veggie compounds every day.  None of that matters to my body because I still manage to get sick on top of being sick.

My allergies have been giving me fits since Saturday.  Only I messed around for a few days trying to decide if I had a sinus infection or a cold.  Almost everyone I know has had something in the last month.  I could have easily have caught the flu again.  But what if it's the Avian Flu?  No, no, lol... I'd never be so lucky to catch something and die.

So on top of my sinus infection, a storm comes into town and I have the worst migraine I've ever had in my entire life. Ever.  I threw up three times (see post about my new hat) and I have only thrown up 6 times my entire life (and only one time was related to excessive drinking.)  I hate throwing up almost as much as I hate my married name.

But I digress...

My health is deteriorating.  And if I do catch the deadly flu, will you bring flowers to my grave because I know my cheating jackass of a soon-to-be ex-husband won't.  He'll be too busy screwing a worthless aging married-with-a-small-child, poor excuse of a woman.

But I digress...

3.  What noise? Oh that's just my head slamming into the cubicle wall
I don't want to talk about work right now.  Let's just say things could be better.

Okay.  I think I'm done ranting.  You know, I started this blog with the intent of actually talking about my knitting projects but I think ranting online, shouting out to cyber space to those that "know" and love me makes me feel better.  And it's cheaper than therapy.  Both ranting and knitting.  Just know that I really do knit, I love knitting and that someday I'll invite you all over to see my stash.  :)

Comments

[wenders]

Oy! First, I LIKE that you talk about things other than knitting. If all we did was knit, well, we'd be kinda boring. :)

Second: here's what I see in your post: someone who's taking action to change a situation that was (very) bad. Go YOU! Now, go get some chicken soup.

[Tiffany]

I say, definitely change your name back! If it were me, why on earth would I want to keep something so personal as a name as a reminder of what a jerk you-know-who is? I totally agree with your decision to change it back.

The health issues are most likely related to stress. Stress causes your immunity levels to decrease, or something like that. I know it's easier said than done, but do try to relax in whatever way you can...even for ten minutes...I hope you feel better!